Brian Vs. Utah
BVU Show
Real Salty: Brayan "Brawndo" Vera Is What Real Salt Lake Craves!

Real Salty: Brayan "Brawndo" Vera Is What Real Salt Lake Craves!

That part about everyone taking dives for Joao Klauss,! The soccer version of Thanos studied the RSL game model how Nick Rimando did PK takers. Plus, Sheena's back and she wants Pablo out.

Real Salty: Joao Klauss Was A Machine!

He just was. The sooner we all deal with this and just get to the next game, the better. Thanks to Ron Von Kickenschlicken [I think I said his name correctly] you have the magic of this game highlight. [Ron Von Whatever will provide us with game highlights, every stinking week. He’ll be that father-in-law in Lehi callin’ ya son for the first time…]

Kickoff: No, Glad did not expertly leave the ball for Klauss contrary to this Ron Von Whatever dude. He tried to clear it and failed—then the soccer version of Thanos smacked it like the long lost brother of Zlatan from the top of RSL’s penalty box.

It was a sucky way for RSL to trail 1-0 2-0 at the 60-minute mark of this game that to my amazement actually packed in a good-sized crowd on a frigid Saturday night in Salt Lake City.

But St. Louis City wasn’t done there; that bald headed freak of nature had something else in store for the king of xDAWG himself, Mr. Pablo Ruiz:

How Klauss read Ruiz like a frigging novel and then galloped off to the races like a Budweiser clydesdale is beyond me. All I know is that it happened and RSL was now trailing 2-0 3-0, 65 minutes into the game. [I also don’t think Ruiz was overcome with “wrenching spasms of delight," as Ron described it but who knows.]

This Just In: naturally, a boatload of subs came on 20 minutes too late, and you can listen to the Sheena Show as we welcome her back for segment no. 2 for her reactions to this game that was a tale of two halves. She was NOT happy with Pablo…never has been…and she gets into it, thick and heavy. She also wasn’t happy with Andrew Brody at left back nor the scoring chances that were created and then missed by RSL.

In Sum: Aside from the two major technical errors from both Glad and Ruiz, this game played out like I [that’s Brian, the old, dumb coach] thought it might, a 2-0 or 2-1 match that will eventually flip in our favor once all of the pieces have had a significant amount of the team’s game model imprinted—provided another Thanos type 9 doesn’t rip out our hearts from our claret-and-cobalt chests. For every new player that is added, however, tack on another two to four weeks of imprinting.

Brayan “Brawndo” Vera Is What This Team Craves.

The new Colombian is to that back line what Burrito Martinez [go look him up, Zoomies] was to RSL’s midfield during the post-Jason Kreis Era. An instant game-changer, the rare type of talent who can just walk into a team and onto the pitch and provide instant refreshment, said Brian in segment No. 3. Vera quenches this team’s sorely needed thirst for a physical yet technically sound, central defender. As you can plainly see from this first half highlight, Vera was also dangerous in the attacking 3rd:

Had that shot from Vera hit its mark and scored, I believe we’d have been talking about a much different outcome from the one Real Salt Lake suffered in the 4-0 loss to STL Saturday. The people online calling for the heads of Pablo, GM Elliot Fall and anyone else associated with the L during and after the game “are probably overreacting a bit,” said Brian in the third segment.

Should RSL be somewhat excused for having had to go to war with about one-third of its starting lineup away on international duty? I think so. I also think that when you look at the stats you can see how badly that midfield was overmatched and that the absence of Bryan Oviedo [at left back] and Andrew Brody [in his natural right back spot] left gaping holes that neither Brody at left back nor Eneka Emeli in his first RSL start at right back could address.

What’s exciting about the discovery of Brayan Vera is that he’s versatile; he can play just about anywhere along the back line or at the 6 [a holding midfielder]. What’s more is that the Colombian can keep the ball under pressure. He quenches that thirst we’ve had for a rock-solid, kick-you-in-family-jewels backline guy.

Next up: At Columbus, Saturday.

Thanks again for reading and listening to Real Salty. Subscribers, be sure to check your Promotions/Junk folders, as recent updates have been landing there. If you’re new but want to join the discussion leave us a like, a comment or consider subscribing. If you'd like to pledge your support we'd welcome it.

Leave a comment

Brian Vs. Utah
BVU Show
Utah sports insider news too hot for newspapers, radio and TV